I feel empty. Lonely. Like I have no friends. No actually, I do have friends, I just don't wanna meet them. Everytime I come across a familiar face at school after the summer, I duck and hide and wait for them to go away. Everytime my room-mate wants to talk, I pretend to be either tired or sleepy or busy with work. I want to be in hiding. I want to avoid everyone and even though its out of choice, I still feel lonely. It's stupid right? I'm doing this to myself. I have so much cooped up inside, it's making me all depressed. Maybe that's why I'm doing the "underground" act, because I don't want anyone to know 'incompassionate and cold' me has issues of the emotional kind. I don't want to share. I never share. Yet, I want to get myself away from this fuckin sword hanging over my head. It doesn't end me, it's just there, upsetting me. Everytime it comes closer, it scrapes and it hurts. It pulls away, but it's still hanging.
I feel paranoid. Like everyone's judging me. I hate being judged. I hate people who judge. I feel everyone judges. I hate everyone. Maybe I just feel insecure. Why must it always happen to me? Why must I try so hard? Why must I give so much and get nothing in return? Why should I cry over a chance I never had? WHY DID YOU FUCKIN HAVE TO FUCK UP MY LIFE?! Why are you still screwing with it?
and most importantly, why do I let you?
I hate you.
Atleast..
I wish I did.
A fullstop will never suffice for it all. Only a series of them... -zs
I wish I could close the book and call it THE END.
45 Model Kursi Teras Minimalis
5 years ago
5 comments:
it's not the life he's screwing with. it's your head. and it really needs to stop. mujhey batao mein uss ki haddiyan torti hoon.
"i want to hate you. i really do."
Dont close the book, meri jaan. Just close the chapter for now. (Oh what do I know, BUT DO WHATEVER I SAY REGARDLESS!, and oh, you're not really my jaan btw :D)
>_<
Even if its the head thats being messed up with, primary fact remains, that the head is YOURS. You can control it. All you need to do, is to focus on what you want your head to pay attention to.
I know what im saying is difficult, but its the only option that works. Yoour head, your rules. no one messes with you.
all the best....
it gets crazy sometimes like that when u have so many people to talk to.. yet your so alone!
but u know something... even though this is the last thing you wanna hear right now.. its not always as bad as it seems.... dont let it get this much to you... chat up new friends *hint hint* maybe you'll feel better :)
New friend is here!! frandsheep me lil red!..umm..Hi there
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