wish it would ring

12:13 am..

Listening to Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here..

So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell,
Blue skies from pain.

I'm checking my cell phone for the millionth time, for a text message, or a call that I might've missed in the one second I'd left my phone out of my sight.

12:21 am..

How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year..

the same song's repeating again and now I'm relating to the lyrics and thinking of you and realizing what a pain the distance is being.

12:30 am..

I'm hating the time difference and the geographic distance and wishing all of this was easier.

12:45 am..

I'm still checking my phone, waiting for it to ring. right now. miraculously.

Everyday, I see myself falling more in love with you.
Everytime I tell you that, I see you falling more in love with me.
It's a vicious cycle of sorts.. and we're both so stuck. So happily stuck.

Reason #739484 why I love you

Rewind a year, give or take a couple of months..

You make a random call to me, and tell me to listen carefully.. and when I do, I hear Abida Parveen.. and I scream "OMG, you're watching and listening to Abida Parveen LIVE!"
and you say, "yes, and knowing how much you love her, I had to call and rub it in"..

You call it rubbing it in.. I see it as something that reminds you of me so much, you resort to crazy international calls..

haha, I'm turning into an optimist. great.

ahem.

It's extremely feel-good, beautifully delusional at times, makes you oh-my-god-so-this-is-what-seventh-heaven's-like happy sometimes, but really practically speaking, its a mind fuck. This should not be happening but it is. I wanted it, now I'm questioning it, but I still want it. Its a strangely haphazard mix of blissful, what-if and depressive emotions, which leave me absolutely stunned at times. Beautifully stunned. Delusionally stunned. What-the-fuck-am-I-doing stunned. Sad-stunned. Angry-stunned. Emotionally-incapable stunned.

How many people absent-mindedly leave the curtains open, switch on the light and change clothes, flashing themselves out to the world.
My state of mind makes me do that everyday lately.
Infact, I've done it so many times.. there might be a line-up outside. Tickets, popcorn, booze, everything.

Yes, I'm back. Messed up as ever.