The last 4 months of my life have been more eventful than I'd like, and not in a particularly good way. And by the looks of it, it just gets tougher by the day. I can't remember the last time I felt overjoyed or excited. In a nutshell, and at the risk of sounding emo and self-sympathetic, I feel totally cheated and victimized. Nothing is how I expected it to be, nothing is how it was promised it would be. Life seems unfair at this point and I feel angry and sad at the same time. There are so many emotions and grudges inside me, storing into every inch of my body like evil grey matter, because I have no one to blame, not even myself.
Sometime I think maybe it was my fault to fight for something that'd let me down, and fall for the empty promises that spewed out in beautiful words and forced me to believe in a disney movie-like life. But how was I supposed to detect exaggerated truths and fantasies behind such convincing eyes?
Every bit of my perfectly perceived future life has crumbled and disappeared like it never existed. And I know it's not your fault. But every time I see your face, that's all I can think of. I can't even manage a forced half-smile around you.
I'm just not happy anymore.
45 Model Kursi Teras Minimalis
5 years ago
3 comments:
That sounds awfully familiar. I guess just more tougher since you have no one to blame and it doesnt seem like going anywhere. As far as being happy is concerned, personally I don't think happiness even exists. Not in a long term anyway. Bleh.
Anyways, Chin up man. Just try and keep faith if you got some left..it'll help you sustain. Life IS unfair.
*hug*
Have faith, and strength. Things will get better, inshAllah. I guess the only good thing about hitting rock bottom is that the only way left is up.
There's one thing I've learnt.. expectations have a tendency of coming crashing down. Not to say that you shouldn't hope, it's just most of the time you should try your best and let life do the rest for you. It works out in the end, eventually, though maybe not necessarily in the exact way you hoped it would.
And that's what you can always look forward to, knowing that it will, however so, but that it will (:
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