The last 4 months of my life have been more eventful than I'd like, and not in a particularly good way. And by the looks of it, it just gets tougher by the day. I can't remember the last time I felt overjoyed or excited. In a nutshell, and at the risk of sounding emo and self-sympathetic, I feel totally cheated and victimized. Nothing is how I expected it to be, nothing is how it was promised it would be. Life seems unfair at this point and I feel angry and sad at the same time. There are so many emotions and grudges inside me, storing into every inch of my body like evil grey matter, because I have no one to blame, not even myself.
Sometime I think maybe it was my fault to fight for something that'd let me down, and fall for the empty promises that spewed out in beautiful words and forced me to believe in a disney movie-like life. But how was I supposed to detect exaggerated truths and fantasies behind such convincing eyes?
Every bit of my perfectly perceived future life has crumbled and disappeared like it never existed. And I know it's not your fault. But every time I see your face, that's all I can think of. I can't even manage a forced half-smile around you.
I'm just not happy anymore.
