shoot myself

While my brother and I were watching tv, this song comes up..

Me: arghhh, if I watch this song ONE more time.. I'll shoot myself..

Brother pretends to fiddle with the remote, looks at me, then looks at the tv..

Bro: actually u know what, go shoot urself!

*speechless*

'just' friends

How can we fuckin' just be friends after all that's happened?

How can we just be friends after I have all these ideas instilled in my brain?

How can we just be friends after those gazillion phone calls that u and I both made?

How can we just be friends when those phone calls clearly hinted the 'likeness'?

How can we just be friends after having 8-hour long conversations about nothing and still having a smile plastered across our faces by the end?

How can we just be friends after telling each other how we needed wake up calls, when all we really wanted was to hear each other's voice first thing in the morning?

How can we just be friends after managing to finish each other's sentences?


I'm sorry.
I need to tell u I can't go back.
But I cant.
Even though u're a bastard for leading me on.
I still miss u.
Fucker.

an ode to crazy friends

My friends are crazy and thats an understatement. Either that or they just miss me terribly. And I honestly believe in the prior.
So I sleep late these days. The likes of 5 am-ish. Last night [morning?] was no exception. At around 7:30 am, my phone goes ballistic ringing. I was more than half dead, so obviously I couldnt even figure out it was my phone, and when I finally came to and picked up, I hear the voice of my friend, who's also my roommate, in utter hysteria. This is how the conversation followed.

Me: Are u crazy! It might be late night where you are but its 7 bloody 30 here.. I'm SLEEPING!
S: I'm really sorry.. I didn't realise it'd be that early.. but listen, now that u are up, we reallyyyy need ur help here..
[apparently, a good 10 people were over...]
Me: okay, WHAT?
S: okay, so u know how u connect ur laptop to the tv and we watch movies..
Me: OMFG! Please DO NOT tell me u called me at THIS hour to ask me THAT!
S: Pleaseeeeeeee... we really wanna watch this movie.. and we've been trying for so longgg.. and we can't work it.. and ure our techie.. and we miss u.. and we love u.. [insert other buttering-up terms..]
Me: okayyy okayyyyyy.. how far off are u guys?
S: Well, we've connected the cable.. now what?
Me: *Groan*
So well, I explain the whole process to a technologically impaired person, while she asks a dozen questions.. I'm obviously agitated and half asleep.. but we end up successful in the end.
Me: I still can't believe u called me to ask me that!!
S: Thank u sooooooooo much.. I love u.. and I'm so sorry but I had no one else to ask..
oh and by the way, I knew exactly what the time difference was.. I knew it was 7:30am. Forgive me. Luv u again. Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Me: WHAT!? I soooo knew! argh.. BYE!

And later on, I find out, that the call wasn't even made through a calling card. It was a direct call.
Talk about craaaaaaaaaaaazy.

And at that.. another one just said something that I have to post.
Referring to her love for Juggy D and the likes..
"My life is SO DEPRIVED without the deserved NECESSITY of a punjabi boy to serenade me with his music AND dancing."

hahahaha.

I LOVE my girlfriends. =D

lonely

Listening to: Akon - Lonely


You know you're lonely when you listen to sad songs, sigh and msn Encarta Instant Answers with the downs in your life, just for the sake of sharing your current state of mind with someone [something].

Amazing

sometimes boy band songs touch the strings of your heart and totally reach your soul with the lyrics..

its "Amazing" by Westlife this time...

old, but nevertheless, when I heard it.. it seemed like I'd voiced my feelings, and right there and then someone had penned them..

*sigh*

we could be more than just amazing...

song courtesy: http://www.seekasong.com

It has hence been proven.
I've lived in denial for long enough.
This establishes the fact..


...that I have NO will power.

ABSOLUTELY NONE.

I hate the block contact option on msn. I hate being used by it. I hate using it on people. And I generally don't block people because if I don't like them, I tell them that to their face.

Now when I have to use it. I feel guilty.
If I didn't use it, I'd feel guiltier.
Meh.
this sux.

I also realised it's been 4 years since I've been out of school. I feel so old.
sigh.

On a merrier note, one of my friend's much younger sibling is very creative. This one quote, quoted by him is hilarious!

"Barney is a dinosaur from our imagination.. he stuck his thumb right up his bum & died from constipation."

have I ever mentioned I NEVER liked Barney?

finally home!

I've been neglecting my blog. But I'm home and I'm ecstatic and jet-lagged. All I do is sleep and watch movies and tv. No academic stress whatsoever. It seems surreal. VERY surreal. It always takes time to sink in.
I've also started praying, which makes me feel so much more at peace. It's amazing how everything starts resolving itself.
There come problems and dilemmas and issues. There come moments when u start losing faith. But if u're strong-willed and hold on and pray like u've never wanted anything more than this one thing surrounding ur life, it eventually comes around.
It happened when I wanted to get into a university.
It happened when I had visa issues.
It happened when I wanted to pass my driving test.
It happened when I was unsure about passing an exam.
It happened when I wanted the desired grades.
It happened when I wanted certain memories/scars to be wiped out from my life.
It happened when I missed home and cried.

This time I want someone.
Please make a way out.
Please make it work.

I'm waiting... patiently.

Now that I'm done exams and pretty much school for the next 4 months, one would think I would actually have time to waste on things like watching movies and blogging and senseless browsing the internet. Hah, I WISH!

As much as I wanna go back home, I hate this whole process of cleaning up a whole year's mess, packing, buying gifts, getting all my documents in place, bidding friends good-bye for a while, and making sure I'm not leaving anything important behind in general.

This is all do-able still.
What I just can't seem to cope up with is all the uncertainty surrounding my life. Career-wise - although I still have an academic year to go - I don't know where I'll be after that, which is a little disturbing. Relationship-wise - I just DON'T know what's going on. I just thought it was all about voicing and making the mutual "likeness" known. Whoever thought that would bring with itself so many questions, so many doubts and just so many other weird situations. As much as I want it, I don't know how it'll turn out. I see glimmers of hope and then dark clouds and then glimmers of hope again. Uncertainty again, don't know what to make out of this. I'm involuntarily losing appetite and sleep and I know think it's doing me any good physically. People tell me I've lost weight, but honestly, the way it's been lost isn't long lasting anyways so I try not to be too happy about it.

I seek solace in music. Sad songs. Happy songs. Dance songs. Depression-type songs.
It is absolutely amazing how much every sad song relates to ur situation when u're upset.

Oh please, let this phase pass soon.

Confused, uncertain, locked-in emotions, frustrated, afraid, guilty, stubborn, sarcastic, arrogant, bollywood freak, badtameez, mood-swings, impatient.

All of the above describes me.

Please bear with me, help me, stay by me.. and I'll try to be a better person.

Just for you.