This Is Me

2010-07-15T13:05:00.004-04:00

I usually skip cats, and jump to social networking, linger there for a while, and then refresh. I defy social norms, yet again. heh.

Image courtesy: Pleated Jeans

Please read and forward!

2009-08-28T00:43:00.004-04:00

I came across this piece of news when someone posted it as a facebook link. I have no words to describe what I feel at the moment. Anger at the negligence of the MNC and the advertising agency, or remorse and sadness at the heinous tragedy faced by the family and children? Then again, maybe its shame and disgrace to see how vested interests of the bigshots can cause the media and the NGOs to turn a deaf ear towards this incident?

It's appalling and gutwrenching to say the least. Please read this, spread it to your blogs, twitter, facebook profiles, send emails, sms your friends in an effort to create awareness of the tragedy, and to bring justice to Saad's children and to Saad himself. May Allah rest his soul in peace.

woohooo!

2009-07-07T09:42:00.001-04:00

I just did THIS over the weekend, and I am SO DAMN proud of myself! I finally have an extreme sport to my credit.. woohoooo!
The rush of adrenaline beats all fears.. DEFINITELY recommended!

T20 champs!

2009-06-21T15:17:00.003-04:00

Thanks to the Pakistani cricket team for bringing joy to the nation in times of such turmoil. Despite the shaky start, the boys played very well throughout the tournament, surprising every Pakistani out there and making them feel proud of their country after a very very long time.

Like the skipper said, it was a gift to the nation indeed. =)

random funny

2009-06-20T23:25:00.003-04:00

Reaching home sweet home after a long drive always seems to end up in a race for reaching the bathroom first, because of well, obvious bladder-related reasons. So today, we all reached home and while I thought I'd made it in a great timing to the bathroom door, I turned the knob to realize a sibling had actually beat me to it! It was like The Flash or something..

Anyway, out of an impulse and in an extremely irritable tone, I asked, 'Who's in there?!'

And in an EVEN irritable voice, my sister replied, 'Ummm.. KAREENA KAPOOR!'

hahahahaha.

btw, Atif Aslam's and Noori's performance from Coke Studio (S02E01) are rocking my world right now. Atif's Jal Pari just a wee bit more.

Broken strings

2009-06-14T22:42:00.004-04:00

The last 4 months of my life have been more eventful than I'd like, and not in a particularly good way. And by the looks of it, it just gets tougher by the day. I can't remember the last time I felt overjoyed or excited. In a nutshell, and at the risk of sounding emo and self-sympathetic, I feel totally cheated and victimized. Nothing is how I expected it to be, nothing is how it was promised it would be. Life seems unfair at this point and I feel angry and sad at the same time. There are so many emotions and grudges inside me, storing into every inch of my body like evil grey matter, because I have no one to blame, not even myself.

Sometime I think maybe it was my fault to fight for something that'd let me down, and fall for the empty promises that spewed out in beautiful words and forced me to believe in a disney movie-like life. But how was I supposed to detect exaggerated truths and fantasies behind such convincing eyes?

Every bit of my perfectly perceived future life has crumbled and disappeared like it never existed. And I know it's not your fault. But every time I see your face, that's all I can think of. I can't even manage a forced half-smile around you.

I'm just not happy anymore.

epiphany # 239

2009-06-13T01:47:00.002-04:00

I think I'm getting married into a family where they treat their own daughters like royalty, sometimes even at the expense of their daughters-in-law.

MB!

2009-05-25T13:47:00.004-04:00

There's so much going on, yet I can't find the strength in myself to put it all together and see every little bit of my life gradually falling apart. So I won't ponder over that because it's all very very futile.

On a happier note, I find Mark Ballas from DWTS so INCREDIBLY cute. sigh.

These are my two favorite routines from this season.

of tarts and brownies...

2009-05-12T23:00:00.002-04:00

Imagine going into a bakery. To make the situation a bit more challenging, this bakery's in a foreign country which you may never visit again. You and your friend stare at the different kinds of cakes, pastries and cookies and finally, you settle on the prettiest tart in the bakery, while your friend sticks to a plain old, almost boring, chocolate brownie. Except when you finally sit down and start eating, you realize your tart tastes like dog poo while your friend's brownie is to die for. You steal envious glances at that lovely mixture of baked flour, eggs, sugar and cocoa powder, wishing you had not experimented. Meanwhile you pretend to be delighted by your choice and console yourself by thinking, 'hey, atleast it looks good!'

Such are life's choices. Where every decision we make is like choosing a pastry in a bakery. Where every time we reach a decision, we feel eternally fulfilled. However, sticking by a decision may not always be easy. When we put things in perspective, we wish we had chosen the boring chocolate brownie. Usually in life, akin to playing Who wants to be a Millionaire, the choices once made are irreversible. That being said, it's human to err and to feel remorse. However, we seldom admit our mistakes and we block out regrets from our lives. During the course, we fail to realize that remorse arises from the inability of a person or a thing to meet our expectations. And as we block out our regrets, we start making compromises, as an escalation of commitment to offset poor decisions. We lie to ourselves to make ourselves feel better. We pretend to be happy to show the world how right we were.

And before we know it, our lives become a compromise and all we are left with is a beautiful tart, which in reality of it all, tastes like absolute crap.

2009-05-11T13:20:00.001-04:00

I am SO jealous. =(

'pliss don't break my heart...'

2009-05-06T18:20:00.004-04:00

So I've seen khusras begging around speaking broken english saying things like, "baji please give me some money, I'm so lonely" to random bhikaris giving me the vaasta of my unborn children asking me to spare some change, to beggars mocking me when I give them a 5 rupee coin. But in ALL my time spent in Karachi, I've NEVER seen something quite like this video. I find it so utterly hilarious, but by the time it ends I feel pangs of sadness as I realize how deprived these children are, and how many little Jamal's and Latika's we have in our city alone.

trrrrippppinnn

2009-05-05T23:38:00.002-04:00

I now know what it's like to laugh uncontrollably without a reason, feel delusional, say things you dont remember and eat like you've never eaten before.

In a nutshell, I now know what it's like to completely trip out and I frickin LOVED it!

- May 1'09

p.s. I had no idea the commenting was screwed, anyway, it's fixed now! =)

...because I'm so random

2009-04-28T22:59:00.002-04:00

Every night as I change into my pajamas and decide to retire for the day, like a lot of people, I think of the day that has been. After a quick recollection, I log in to blogger to type out a blog post, but instead I look at the blank space, eventually browse a few frequently updated blogs, sigh at my inability to produce words, and leave blogging for another day.

This blog used to be like a diary to me, a venting space, a canvas to paint my day in words and record the good and the bad things that happened to me during the day. It always helped. A look into the unpleasantness kept me grounded, made me realize my mistakes. Meanwhile writing about the pleasant moments always made me smile when I came back to read them at times when I needed that random lift in my mood the most.

It's not the same anymore. And I can either attribute it to being less motivated to etch the memories of this phase of my life into the walls of my blog, or I can call it a writer's block, or I can just say I lead a dull life these days. Whatever the reason may be, I just don't feel like blogging much. But I still do, because I already feel guilty for neglecting my poor little blog for so long. Hence, the tardy half-hearted updates.

Right now I'm listening to Khwab by Junoon, which has driven me into a deepened reminisce mode. I want to go back in time, just a year. Back when my life was perfect. So perfect, I can't believe it was actually real.

This one's for you babe.

Raat dhalni to hai, aanay ujalay to hain...

Yoga, really?!

2009-04-23T22:21:00.004-04:00

The recently joined yoga classes are turning out to be entertaining in more ways than one. Other than the fact that the spiritual energy clears my head and the poses are physically exhilarating, some comments by fellow students totally catch me off guard that crack me up in the oddest of positions. Pun intended.

So mine is a co-ed class which makes it SO much funnier. Just today, while doing the side plank (that absolutely takes its toll your arm when you weigh as much as I do!) and being engrossed in a next level inhale-exhale routine while trying to keep my balance, the man next to me in a sudden outburst says, ''*pant* *pant* *pant* frig, frig, friggggggginnnn hell..!" and plops onto the floor while I'm facing him! Needless to say, I smirked and realized I couldn't balance, breathe and control my laughter at the same time hence I put my legs down and withdrew into a restorative pose. Damage control at its fullest.

While that was still subtle, this other one is just classic. So our instructor made us do the bow pose, which was quite intense as is but all of us kept up with the challenge. Seeing our progress, she told us to take it a notch above and 'rock back and forth' while remaining in the pose. A second into it, the guy on my other side looks towards me and in a very solemn but confused expression asks, "this can't be good for the penis?" Really that comment left me with NO choice but to crack up while I rocked. HAHAHAHAHA. No damage control there.

I best chose to place my mat near the ladies next time...

Cry me a river

2009-04-21T22:29:00.003-04:00

I think my biggest weakness is expressing anger. It just comes out all wrong. Although I may be boiling inside, all you will ever see on my face is watery eyes. I can get through the saddest moments without shedding a tear, however the moment someone pisses me off, lo and behold I start crying a river whilst screaming out my emotions. And then of course I get the stereotypical question that enrages me further: "...but why are you CRYING?"

Arg.

Like I would INTENTIONALLY create the drama, like I could control the tears, like I'd want to draw your attention towards my reddened eyes when really you should be concentrating on the words I'm using to blast your face off. Like really.

I am SO over this moving back with my family shit. After 6 years of being by myself, I was uber excited about the change but it's SO over-rated. Really. I need a fuckin break and its just been two months.

A fruity surprise!

2009-04-17T01:51:00.004-04:00

You know you've hit jackpot when he sends you the one thing you've secretly wished to receive for as long as it's existed.

Thank you! I love u!

Kutner! (spoiler alert)

2009-04-07T23:47:00.005-04:00

So they UNEXPECTEDLY killed Dr. Lawrence Kutner (Kal Penn) in House M.D, of a self-inflicted gunshot wound. How gory! If he wanted to leave the show, why did the writers have to make him commit suicide! He was my second favorite right after House himself. I'm really sad.

04/04/09

2009-04-04T18:49:00.003-04:00

It's been a year since I blogged.
And now I wish I'd never stopped. I wish I'd blogged about the pleasant chain of events in my life, so I could now take pointers and make the necessary changes to prevent me from this impending doom. Sigh. And I thought it would get easier.

Bah.

2008-04-29T16:13:00.000-04:00

27th April 2008 - Officially baat pakki-ed =)

what a month this has been! mashaAllah.

2007-10-25T14:01:00.000-04:00

October 20th, 2007 to October 24th, 2007 - best ever week of my life.
so much has changed. for the better. it seems like it's all really happening now. magical, to say the least.
Everytime I think I can't love u any more than I do now, I stand corrected.

pause

2007-10-15T01:58:00.000-04:00

The way you paused after I said 'good night'. A pause in an expectation to hear something before I hung up. And how you exclaimed 'I love you too!' when I said it.
That has expressed your feelings for me better than all the times you've actually tried to put them in words.

2007-09-19T20:14:00.000-04:00

I really hope you know what you're doing.

Cuz if this screws up just because you were too scared to actually take control, I'm NEVER gonna forgive you for scarring my life and shattering my beliefs.

and YES, it's more important for me than it will ever be for you.

Please. Don't let it be too late.

2007-09-14T16:12:00.000-04:00

Little things hurt. The most trivial of things, they really hurt. Today has by far been one of the worst days of my life. It wouldn't have killed you if you'd given me 5 minutes of your time and made me feel better.
Like I said, little things really hurt.

2007-08-31T11:37:00.000-04:00

How do you deal with situations that are really wrong but feel incredibly right?
Moreover, what do you do when you become addicted to consciously creating such situations hoping to be helplessly caught in them?
I don't regret anything. I don't feel guilty. This is how it is, and I'll go an extra mile to make sure it stays this way.

Soon, all the wrongs will turn into rights. This is how it's meant to be. This is how it will be. InshaAllah =)

2007-08-17T17:21:00.000-04:00

4th July, 2007 - Deja Vu
5th July, 2007 - Computer ruse
19th July, 2007 - Guiltily ecstatic

All that and everything in between. And for all that is yet to come. Thank you. I love you.

2007-08-17T16:14:00.002-04:00

It's been a while since I blogged. Didn't feel the need to crib or complain about anything, Allah ka shukar. I'm home =).

roses

2007-04-16T23:18:00.000-04:00

They say women are complicated.
but oh boy, men are a WHOLE new ballgame.

16th April 2007, he sent me red roses, and then denied for the longest time that he'd sent them.

If you can care enough to send them, then what gives babe?

sigh. touchwood.

potpourri of unpleasantness

2007-04-14T21:16:00.000-04:00

So here's the deal. I'm feeling these weird unpleasant emotions on the inside all at once. They're making me feel all hollow and queasy. It's not my fault and although you've said sorry, at the end of the day sorry is just another word and moreover, it's a word that's been said so many times now, it seems meaningless. I wonder if I should be annoyed, angry, sad, depressed, irritated, sympathetic, pissed off, cold, or supportive. All at the risk of losing everything. I need to choose one emotion and stick by it. But I can't pick and choose because I just don't know what's the right thing to do right now. Why must you do this to me? I've stood you by everything that you've been through and I still am. I've taken you when you've been depressed and in the pits and a bitch to me. I've been there for you not only during the happy times, but during the bad times too. And that hasn't been a favour to you. I did it because I wanted to. Because I wanted to be close to you. Because you mean more than the world to me, cliche as that may seem. I should be telling you all this, but I can't because with your state of mind, these words will fall on deaf ears. The emotions embedded in these words will be overlooked and everything I have to say will be eyed suspiciously and thrown back in my face, leaving me to question why I ever bothered with anything at all in the first place.
When I was young, I'd promised myself that I'd never emotionally attach myself to anyone for fear of being hurt. But you changed the way I thought and felt, and that is quite an accomplishment in itself, considering how stubborn I am. Now I ask you, why must you make me regret? Why must you hurt me over and over again? Why must I give in all of myself only in the HOPE of just getting back a fraction of you in return? Why must I only be the brunt of your depression and why must the others still get your happy facade? Why must I only hurt, between the two of us? Why must it affect me to the degree of miserableness for prolonged periods of time, distracting me from doing anything and everything, while for you it's just an unpleasant phase that fades away in a matter of an hour at the most? Why must one little harmless sarcastic thing I say trigger so much resentfulness inside you, and all the sweet nothings and expressions of love mean nothing? Where did I go SO wrong to have deserved all of this?

No, I don't want you to apologize. Don't say sorry because this little word doesn't seem to curb the pain caused by all your other words. Sorry does not seem to erase the sinking feeling I get inside me everytime you reject my phone call, or when you tell me you don't care because you're so numb.

If this is a nightmare, it needs to end soon. If it's a joke, then it lost its funny a long time ago.

I tried. I really did. You just never gave me a chance. And every moment of the day, I wish you had. One whole-heartedly given chance.

I'm still trying. It isn't too late.

falling

2007-04-09T22:50:00.000-04:00

Everytime you're upset, I get a little sad too. But that is still okay. What kills me is pretending to be happier than I really am at that point, just so some of 'being happy' rubs off on you. What kills me is pretending to be funny when I really don't feel it, in the hope that maybe one of the corny jokes will atleast make you smile.

I'm holding on real strong now but I'm afraid I might slip.

I need you to hold on to me too, so that I know even if I do slip, you'll still be there holding on to me to prevent the fall.

ALMOST done.

2007-04-03T01:33:00.000-04:00

2nd April 2007 - attended the last class of my undergrad university career and then went to party at night with a bunch of friends, biryani and seekh kabab, bhangra blaring and numerous dance partners. Only to come home later and realize I still have 3 finals lined up to actually get that degree I've worked my ass off for the last 4 years.

Yes, after 2 weeks and 3 exams, I will InshaAllah be able to put a 'GRADUATED' on my resume.

Employers, grab me.

2007-03-22T23:18:00.000-04:00

I wonder why I feel so shitty.
I either wanna cry or I wanna puke.
Just feel so low, too many things, yet nothing.

There's no place like home. I miss my mommy. I need my space. Leave me alone.

la dee daa

2007-03-20T03:14:00.000-04:00

Today I woke up at 7:15am with cute little text messages that instantly made me smile. Very few things make me smile in general, and during early mornings, even fewer.
Anyways, went to school, attended classes. I swear, I'm gonna miss this so much. The sara hua cafe, mr. sub, stupid printers that never work, vending machines that eat money off my card, the missing hawk on the floor, random bumping into people but always running off because u're always 'late' for something. This life is fun. Stressful, but then what isn't?
I've been buying so much coffee/french vanilla from tim horton's and I haven't even won a SINGLE free donut even.. what the hell! Someone in school won an ipod, and I can't freakin' even win a free donut. Talk about unfair. Khair, today I spilled coffee on a man in the bus. It wasn't my fault.. the man was in front of me, the coffee cup in my hand, open obviously, cuz I was drinking it. The bus driver braked and the coffee plopped out on the man's profile. His jacket, his pants, his sleeves. But the coffee wasn't hot. Anyway, I started saying sorry, sorry, I didn't mean to.. and I dont know what gave, but he didn't notice the spilt coffee and he didn't hear my apologies. Infact, he NEVER once looked my way! Soooo, I shut up. What he didn't know, wouldn't hurt him. he he he.
Also, I never realised wholewheat multigrain pizza could taste so good. so so good. And omg, I'm in love with cheddar rice crackers and jalapeno cheese. I also feel that my jeans get more snug by the day. Cause unknown.
Finally, watched The Departed. AMAZING. Had me on the edge at all times. I wanna do Leo DiCaprio now.
I'm in a terribly good mood which is being wasted. I wish u were here.

2007-03-17T14:20:00.000-04:00

Making you smile, and making you happy.. has now become my daily high.

I, Ms. Selfishness-Personified, have slowly become so selfless, it's beginning to scare me.

What have you done?

Words

2007-03-13T01:21:00.000-04:00

Words. Little words. Big words. Manipulated to express how you feel. Manipulated to rhyme in poems. Manipulated to ask questions and expect anticipated answers.

Words. Savoured, when pleasant. Erased, when hurtful. Repeated, when misunderstood.

Words.
The only thing that can keep you connected when you are miles apart from the people you love, that can make your incoherent thoughts coherent and vice versa.
The only thing I have to make you love me, and hold on to me.

The ONE thing I'd want you to use lyrically and romantically; keeping me in mind, and not her. For once.

2007-03-04T19:30:00.000-05:00

The day you stop attributing your pessimism to practicality, is the day I'll believe you actually love me.

wish it would ring

2007-02-27T04:00:00.000-05:00

12:13 am..

Listening to Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here..

So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell,
Blue skies from pain.

I'm checking my cell phone for the millionth time, for a text message, or a call that I might've missed in the one second I'd left my phone out of my sight.

12:21 am..

How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year..

the same song's repeating again and now I'm relating to the lyrics and thinking of you and realizing what a pain the distance is being.

12:30 am..

I'm hating the time difference and the geographic distance and wishing all of this was easier.

12:45 am..

I'm still checking my phone, waiting for it to ring. right now. miraculously.

2007-02-20T17:39:00.000-05:00

Everyday, I see myself falling more in love with you.
Everytime I tell you that, I see you falling more in love with me.
It's a vicious cycle of sorts.. and we're both so stuck. So happily stuck.

Reason #739484 why I love you

2007-02-08T16:33:00.000-05:00

Rewind a year, give or take a couple of months..

You make a random call to me, and tell me to listen carefully.. and when I do, I hear Abida Parveen.. and I scream "OMG, you're watching and listening to Abida Parveen LIVE!"
and you say, "yes, and knowing how much you love her, I had to call and rub it in"..

You call it rubbing it in.. I see it as something that reminds you of me so much, you resort to crazy international calls..

haha, I'm turning into an optimist. great.

ahem.

2007-02-03T01:31:00.000-05:00

It's extremely feel-good, beautifully delusional at times, makes you oh-my-god-so-this-is-what-seventh-heaven's-like happy sometimes, but really practically speaking, its a mind fuck. This should not be happening but it is. I wanted it, now I'm questioning it, but I still want it. Its a strangely haphazard mix of blissful, what-if and depressive emotions, which leave me absolutely stunned at times. Beautifully stunned. Delusionally stunned. What-the-fuck-am-I-doing stunned. Sad-stunned. Angry-stunned. Emotionally-incapable stunned.

How many people absent-mindedly leave the curtains open, switch on the light and change clothes, flashing themselves out to the world.
My state of mind makes me do that everyday lately.
Infact, I've done it so many times.. there might be a line-up outside. Tickets, popcorn, booze, everything.

Yes, I'm back. Messed up as ever.

2007-01-08T01:02:00.000-05:00

hiatus.
nothing is blogworthy.
undecided.

balloons

2006-12-29T03:25:00.000-05:00

Balloons. Helium filled balloons.
I hold on to them real strong when I first get them. I don't want to let them go. They're light and amusing and when I run, they fly behind me.

Soon enough though, I go outside and let them go just to get the kicks out of seeing them soar up in the sky.

So then why?
Why do I get a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach as I let them go?

Why do I feel sad as they soar up and above?

Why do I feel bad about losing them?

I let them go in the first place, didn't I?

So, why?

of distances and space

2006-12-18T03:21:00.000-05:00

"At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, it's usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we've chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt them. The people that are still with you at the end of the day, those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need." - Grey's Anatomy [some episode or the other]

I couldn't have said better myself.
Please, invade my space. I'm tired.

hug

2006-12-10T03:53:00.000-05:00

[Click on the strip for a clearer picture]

So I don't know how old this Calvin n Hobbes is, and I can't post up a link to it either because someone sent it to me on msn telling me how this was "SO ME".

And it's true.. I normally don't care for hugs at ALL, but I crib when I'm stressed and seeing as I'm undergoing finals these days.. it's all inevitable.. and I love how it all fits.. ab-fuckin-solutely love it.

2006-12-07T02:31:00.000-05:00

yaaaaaaaar, what the hell..
I'm tired of all this work, and the finals, and job searches and the freakin relationship realm of problems and distractions looming over my head..

I will fuck everything up.

Why doesn't anyone read my other blog? yeh kya cheapness hai.

I also think I might be crazily in love.. and homophobic.. and just random rambling right now.

bye.

miss you.

2006-11-30T18:01:00.000-05:00

...so much.
Please come back.
soon.
now.

for sale

2006-11-20T23:07:00.000-05:00

For sale

Rose-tinted glasses

Almost new, no scratches, extremely rosy, guaranteed to make the world seem beautiful!

If interested, please contact Miss Brightnshiny at 1-888-OPTIMISM.

bitch mode

2006-11-17T04:51:00.000-05:00

Another stressful week has come to an end. Finally. Thankfully. Amazingly. Gratefully.
blah.
I didn't think I had so much work to do this week, but everything piles in and then there's so much happening otherwise - mind-fucks, preppin' grad parties, issues of the boy-kind - it all just gets overwhelming and turns me into a stressed-out-sarcastic bitch. Mind you, it's not like I don't realize I'm being bitchy. I do, so I usually apologize to people in advance. Only, I don't think it matters.

Right now, I'm just grateful I don't have a deadline to meet until Wednesday and that Fridays are off for me. I'm kinda sleepy but I'm lovin' the random songs - khaike paan banaras wala - I love the SRK version, the song and the movie.

Also, I'm loving this post on challenges. It makes me wonder, if the only reason I'm still holding on to "you", is because I see a challenge in "you" and "I" being an "US". Maybe, if it was as easy as ABC, I would've never bothered. But, just so you know, there's only so much more effort I'm putting in before I give up. I usually complete a challenge once its shoved in my face. But really, stop testing my patience. I am, after all, human.

how I feel

2006-11-12T21:44:00.000-05:00

I love gapingvoid.

2006-11-09T02:11:00.000-05:00

If we're sticking to just being friends, then why do I feel endless pangs of jealousy when you even MENTION other women?
why do I love-hate you after you mention them?
why do you even mention them?

no.. wait..

why do we even TALK?!

2006-11-07T04:33:00.000-05:00

bas. i'm tired..

physically AND mentally, personally and academically.

just so very tired.

Kaali Kaali Zulfon Ke

2006-10-29T04:46:00.000-05:00

na chero humein, hum sataye huey hain
buhot zakhm seeney pe khaaye huey hain

sitamgar ho khoob pehchantey hain
tumhari adaon ko hum jaante hain

daghabaaz ho tum sitam dhaney waley
fareb-e-muhaabat mein uljhaaney waley

ye rangeen kahani tumhi ko mubarak
tumhari jawani tumhi ko mubarak

humari taraf say nigahein hata lo
humein zinda rehney do aye husn walo

- Kaali Kaali Zulfon Ke - Fana Bulandshahri

eid.. yeah..

2006-10-25T02:59:00.000-04:00

This eid I missed my family.. again.
This eid I spent all day at school attending classes.. again.
This eid I did not dress up or wear chooriyan or put on mehndi.. again.
This eid I did not make any 'eid mubarak' calls, or send any 'eid mubarak' messages or emails.. again.
This eid I studied all day.. again.

As far as the exciting stuff is concerned:

This eid I failed a midterm.
This eid I came home at 9pm after failing a midterm, to work on another assignment.
This eid I haven't slept enough.
This eid I didn't get the ONE phone call I'd been looking forward to for months.
This eid I did not eat biryani.

Eid has finally lost its charm for me, it's now just another day.. just another BAD day.
So yeah, eid mubarak to all who still care.

intention..

2006-10-21T16:23:00.000-04:00

"Every action, thought and feeling is motivated by an intention, and that intention is a cause that exists as one with an effect. … In this most profound way, we are held responsible for every action, thought and feeling, which is to say, for our every intention."

- 'The Seat of The Soul', Gary Zukav

sick

2006-10-19T05:16:00.000-04:00

I'm sick.
And although medically this can't be proven.. but YOU make all the difference in the world. I suddenly feel better.

First u affect my sleep, then moods, and now my sickness.

This is just great.

Sometimes you're so fun. Other times, when you're even more fun, I wish I'd never known you.

haye, confusion.

tag =)

2006-10-15T01:33:00.001-04:00

okay, I've been tagged by mahnoorie AND I'm super bored too.. so here goes..

Today:

height: 5'4"
color: pale
piercing: ears, just. That too cuz mommy got 'em pierced when I was 3, otherwise not a fan..
tattoos: none, although given serious contemplation =P

Right Now:

Time: 10:10pm
Mood: very meh..
taste: chai
the weather: so so so wintery cold.. I hate it =/
bad habit: the recently developed smokes.
current crush: Patrick Dempsey aka McDreamy *drool*
biggest regret: none that I can think of.. maybe I should study for my midterm now so I don't end up with MAJOR regret of failing..
Perfume(s): umm, abhi to Calgon ka Hawaiian Ginger body mist.. but that's not perfume..
Thing I want to do: have that yummy chocolate fudge cake that I've been thinking of since that past week but somehow haven't got the chance to get to it..

Favourite

TV show: currently, Grey's Anatomy.. otherwise, NOTHING matches up to Friends..
book: oh, a lot many..
non alcoholic drink: ummm.. water.. yeah I know, boring but I gorge water down by gallons.. not a joke.
milk drink: mango bubble tea in milk.. I generally HATE milk though.. sometimes I wish was lactose intolerant.. yuck..
brand: not big on brands.. but umm.. old navy, smart set would definitely top the list if there was one..
color: black and blue..
emblem: whatever, I don't pay attention.. oh, I like the 'peace' sign, does that count?
perfume: Tommy Girl, Cool Water for women, Be-Delicious by DKNY
designer: *roll eyes* - all over-rated.. however in desi though, nomi ansari and HSY have VERY pretty colors..
Chocolate: ALL THE CHOCOLATE IN THE UNIVERSE!

Have I Ever

broken the law: not intentionally.. but maybe
misused credit card: nope, but I would =P
skipped school: yes
fell asleep in the shower/bath: no, I'm phobic.. sleeping in a shower/bath reminds me of horror-like murder in the movies..
had children: no, I dont think so..
been in love: i guess..
been hurt: no.. well - yes.

Random

have a job: nope, but I would want one..
My CD player has what in it right now: I don't have a CD player.. but my mp3 list's currently playing Dude Looks Like a Lady by Aerosmith..
if I were a crayon, the color? black
what makes me happy? good food, being with family and A.

When/What Was the Last

I got a real letter: um, last week.. if the bank statement counts..
got an email: today, some crap forward I deleted without even reading..
thing I purchased: a 4gb ipod nano.. YEA BABY!
TV program I watched: Dance Like The Stars.. erm.. Jerry Springer sucks as a dancer..
movie I saw in the theaters: Pirates of The Caribbean - A Dead Man's Chest.. in a theatre in Pakistan.. just like mahnoorie.. lol..
hugged: oh, I don't remember.. it's been long.. I'm not a huggy person.. I prefer not-hugging.
song heard: Dude Looks Like a Lady.. :S oh, and now it's changed to Every Breath You Take.. lovely.
place I was [besides home]: at school.. wow, I have no life..
phone call: mommy.. =)
was depressed: Last month, when my summer vacation at home finally ended.. but I think I might be slipping into the depressive mode again.. sux.

What Comes to Mind When I Hear

car: Beemer.. blue.. cabriolet..
murder: blood. blood. blood. stabbing. screams. blood. blood. blood.
cape: supermannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn..
cell: phone?
fun: weddings..
shoe: I want MORE!
crush: high school
music: food for soul..
love: a whole lotta bullcrap..
chalk: hopscotch on the streets

phew. and I tag everyone who ever stumbles across my blog.. =)

54!

2006-10-12T01:52:00.000-04:00

a 54 year old drunk man hit on me today..
FIFTY-FUCKIN-FOUR!

I mean, I'd had enough of black men offering rides and gay men telling me I'm a pretty girl and then saying they didn't mean to be offensive..

but an OLD OLD man!

I seriously wanna like, go and drown myself now..

oh, and how do I know he was 54?
He TOLD me.. right about when he also told me where he was born, how miserable he was, how his wife left him for his best friend who was a black guy, how he wants to shoot them both, and how much welfare he gets for his apartment..

so yeah.

I'm just deciding on WHERE to drown myself..

suggestions are more than welcome.

one year

2006-10-09T00:18:00.000-04:00

It's been one whole year.

Unbelievable.

Time's gone by fast.

But we'll never know, how every moment spent by those survivors has crawled by. Missing their parents, siblings, friends.

In general, just missing a life they had until one fine-unfine day. One year ago.

new york fries

2006-10-06T04:31:00.000-04:00

This is an amazing ad for New York Fries. I cracked up the first time I saw it and now I stop and smile everytime I see it.
Plus, the fact that I absolutely love their fries, and the huge bucket in the ad, do wonders for a growling stomach during Ramadan.

[yeah, the camera in my phone is shit, so forgive the bad quality.]

big!

2006-10-03T14:25:00.000-04:00

October 2nd, 2006.
I saw Aerosmith and Motley Crue perform live!
The light, the energy, the amount of people, the fireworks, the goosebumps, crazy Steve Tyler antics, HOT HOT HOT shirt-less Tommy Lee drumming, and most of all - AMAZING music!

I'm officially wow-ed.

blues

2006-09-30T15:20:00.000-04:00

You know how you have a weird sinking feeling in your stomach when you anticipate something bad is going to happen?
I've had that feeling since the past 2 days. I don't know why. Life is pretty sane leaving aside school-stress, which has now become part of the sane-insane life. It's just so uncomfortable and distracting - this feeling. And I'm no sixth sense expert so it's not like something bad is going to happen just because oooh-I-can-feel-it-in-the-pit-of-my-stomach.
Maybe it's the fasting. It always drains me.
I miss sehri at home, when everyone used to wake up and ammi used to make parathas and anda and kabab and the works. Cereal, I'm sorry, is not sehri. And iftar in class, is not iftar.
So it sucks. And I have this freakin novel of a case study to do which seems like, way out of my brain's league.
And so life is beautiful.
Maybe not.
Maybe it is.

quoted

2006-09-28T08:48:00.000-04:00

quote - We have an understanding, however, you should know; you don't have me, until you have me. - unquote.

2006-09-24T05:04:00.000-04:00

So I succumbed to socializing this weekend. Much needed, I suppose.

Midnight ice cream cravings, so we decided to go to McDonald's nearby. My mind was all set on the chocolate sundae but coveniently enough, McDonald's closes early now that it isn't summer anymore. So we went to the store to pick up Ben 'n Jerry's but instead we got chocolates and lifesaver gummies and juices and tostitos and salsa and watnot.

Sang cheap bollywood on the street and ran inside after a dog barked at us. Then attempted watching Golmaal but it seemed too ridiculous. Hogged on the junk purchased previously and called it a night after the following conversation.

M (watching tv, comes across a nurse in a random ad): Ok, so what do nurses remind u of?
Me: Umm.. Grey's?
S: Well, I don't know about u, but nurses remind ME of Rakhi Sawant!
[everyone in fits of uncontrollable laughter]

Selective perception in life is good.

invisible

2006-09-21T19:33:00.000-04:00

I feel empty. Lonely. Like I have no friends. No actually, I do have friends, I just don't wanna meet them. Everytime I come across a familiar face at school after the summer, I duck and hide and wait for them to go away. Everytime my room-mate wants to talk, I pretend to be either tired or sleepy or busy with work. I want to be in hiding. I want to avoid everyone and even though its out of choice, I still feel lonely. It's stupid right? I'm doing this to myself. I have so much cooped up inside, it's making me all depressed. Maybe that's why I'm doing the "underground" act, because I don't want anyone to know 'incompassionate and cold' me has issues of the emotional kind. I don't want to share. I never share. Yet, I want to get myself away from this fuckin sword hanging over my head. It doesn't end me, it's just there, upsetting me. Everytime it comes closer, it scrapes and it hurts. It pulls away, but it's still hanging.
I feel paranoid. Like everyone's judging me. I hate being judged. I hate people who judge. I feel everyone judges. I hate everyone. Maybe I just feel insecure. Why must it always happen to me? Why must I try so hard? Why must I give so much and get nothing in return? Why should I cry over a chance I never had? WHY DID YOU FUCKIN HAVE TO FUCK UP MY LIFE?! Why are you still screwing with it?
and most importantly, why do I let you?

I hate you.

Atleast..

I wish I did.

A fullstop will never suffice for it all. Only a series of them... -zs

I wish I could close the book and call it THE END.

chance

2006-09-19T02:07:00.000-04:00

“You're letting her think you're emotionally available, you're letting her think she has a chance and there is nothing worse in the world than thinking you have a chance when you really don't”.

- Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy, Season 2 Ep. 2

bah.

2006-09-17T03:29:00.000-04:00

Aik to na, I'm sick of these aunties who absolutely CONFIDENTLY claim and predict how I'm going to get married right after I graduate. Like honestly, care about your own daughters, my mom can very well think about those issues and she'll definitely CONSULT me before making any predictions about my wedding. JEEEEEEZ!
I have a life, some ambitions, the goal of 'actually BEING someone' which I have yet to achieve and even if I didn't have to do all of those, I'm ONLY 22, so like.. give me a break will you!
And in any case, with the current happenings, getting married is the least of my priorities and will be for a very long time. Stupid gossiping aunties!
I'm really really annoyed at how some people STILL think girls, or even guys in some cases, should get married as soon as they're 'ready' [which according to them, is at 16 *roll eyes*]. Can they not see the evolving world, changing priorities and just generally, a more independant generation, who can pick and chose, make decisions and stick by them, accomplish something in life other than parenting, feel like they need to achieve something professionally, financially and academically?
Khair.
I played 3 dollars worth of Dance Dance Revolution at the arcade today. Quite fun it was, stress relieving AND good exercise. I think I might go again. Soon. I just need distractions in life. I think too much about things that are totally not happening and then depressive mode starts to show. Not good. Not me.

you still...

2006-09-14T11:51:00.000-04:00

Taken from: http://www.gapingvoid.com/

2006-09-07T15:20:00.000-04:00

Disclaimer: this post is majorly whiny.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm staring at the empty space, wanting to write, wanting to express myself. There's so much running through my brain at the moment. Stuff that is to be decided but left in the 'procrastinating segment' of the brain to ponder over later just because life is too beautiful right now and you don't want to waste a single moment thinking about something, that you know for a fact, will make you blue. Well now is when I need to dig up all that I'd been storing inside and seriously decide on what to do, regardless of whether it makes me blue, yellow, orange, green, black or red.

But I don't want to.

Why must our lives be so dependant on other people? Why must our decisions affect others? Why must there be so much interference? Why can't I have total control of when, what, how and who? Why do they make it seem like the decision is ours when we aren't even given a choice? Why must there always be pressure? Why can't we have enough space so we can avoid hasty spur-of-the-moment decisions and have no regrets later on? Why must every spontaneous step taken involve thinking it over a million times? And then soon enough realizing it was a mistake SOLELY because it might not be acceptable by OTHER PEOPLE? What about me, myself? Why must a decision include within itself everyone else's well-being except our own? Why do I have to pretend to like people when I don't? Why do I have to pretend to not care when I do and vice versa?

Why can't I just be like the lead characters in a Mahesh Bhatt movie? They usually don't have a background, or relatives, or anyone else who'd feel ashamed just because the girl is a dancer at a club or does something that's unacceptable according to the society's norms. [not implying that I want to be a dancer at a club etc but you get the gist.]

I'm just so frustrated. All of this might seem like random rambling but it makes sense to me. It's my life, my issues, my problems. Even the venting seems useless because all I have is unanswered questions, solutions to which are bound by restrictions set by social norms. Bah. Why does it all have to keep on getting more complicated?

Why do I feel like I'm stuck in a labyrinth awaiting Minotaur and no Theseus to kill it?

argh.

2006-09-06T00:15:00.000-04:00

Was it Richard Bach who said, "If you love someone, set him free; if he comes back, he is yours; if he does not, he never was."?
I think it was. I'm too lazy to google right now. The quote is a famous one and it's stuck in my brain particularly because back in Karachi we had a huge wall hanging/poster/board with this quote on it and I would see it every time I'd go up or down the stairs.

Khair, so I've let him free, but he keeps on coming back, then he pushes me away, then he comes closer again?

So if Bach [assuming it was really him who said this] was alive, what would his profound words be, given the situation I just described above?

Takers?

'us'

2006-08-30T03:01:00.000-04:00

merey kol ni..
heeriay merey kol ni..
dil mera le le ni..
aakey cheer ke le ja ni..

Rishi Rich is amazing, Juggy D matches the amazingness..

I love this song. For more than just the fact that it's very catchy and full of awesomeness.

It takes me back to random car rides, incessant unrepeated music thanks to the ipod, pretending to not acknowledge each other's presence, saying things to other people in the car while directing it towards each other, eye contact in the rear view mirror, unsuccessful beach plans, surprise show-ups, itwar bazar, drivery duties, non-stop text messaging starting at 8:30am with the word "morning" and ending at 3am or later with a "good night =)", rain-flood encounters, watching me fix my dupatta in the mirror and calling me 'self-obsessive' when I catch you looking, intentionally leaving the vicinity I'm in and then blaming me for not calling you back, looking all confused when ur phone beeps with my message even though we're a few footsteps away, arguing if the brown one with a tinge of black hair on his head is ernie or elmo, getting too close and then pulling away. Again and again... and again.

"SJ, how many times do I tell u, there's no US."

You tell me there's no us. But do u really mean it?

bittersweet

2006-08-29T16:12:00.000-04:00

Talking to u..
I feel bittersweet emotions..
Sweet, because I thought you were the one.
Bitter, because I was wrong.

2006-08-25T12:21:00.000-04:00

I feel like I'm leaving so much behind.

It's different this time. It's a lot harder, a lot more depressive, a lot being left at stake, a lot left unresolved, a lot remaining in denial.

The thought of coming back to it after a whole year makes me feel even more remorseful.

Why oh why couldn't I have stayed an extra week.

I hate being addicted to someone, it kills me.
I hate good byes.
I hate living across three different continents.
I hate having to leave.
I hate what-ifs.

I hate uncertainty.

2006-07-10T02:10:00.000-04:00

Everytime I see you, my heart still skips a beat.
I hate being affected by you so much.
I don't acknowledge your presence, but it I feel it and it overwhelms me to an unexplainable degree.
I miss you and I hate myself for that.
What did I ever do to you?

How did we ever go from being mere acquaintances, to liking each other, to sharing secrets, to being such close friends.. to complete strangers?

shoot myself

2006-05-29T13:32:00.000-04:00

While my brother and I were watching tv, this song comes up..

Me: arghhh, if I watch this song ONE more time.. I'll shoot myself..

Brother pretends to fiddle with the remote, looks at me, then looks at the tv..

Bro: actually u know what, go shoot urself!

*speechless*

'just' friends

2006-05-27T05:15:00.000-04:00

How can we fuckin' just be friends after all that's happened?

How can we just be friends after I have all these ideas instilled in my brain?

How can we just be friends after those gazillion phone calls that u and I both made?

How can we just be friends when those phone calls clearly hinted the 'likeness'?

How can we just be friends after having 8-hour long conversations about nothing and still having a smile plastered across our faces by the end?

How can we just be friends after telling each other how we needed wake up calls, when all we really wanted was to hear each other's voice first thing in the morning?

How can we just be friends after managing to finish each other's sentences?

I'm sorry.
I need to tell u I can't go back.
But I cant.
Even though u're a bastard for leading me on.
I still miss u.
Fucker.

an ode to crazy friends

2006-05-23T07:02:00.000-04:00

My friends are crazy and thats an understatement. Either that or they just miss me terribly. And I honestly believe in the prior.
So I sleep late these days. The likes of 5 am-ish. Last night [morning?] was no exception. At around 7:30 am, my phone goes ballistic ringing. I was more than half dead, so obviously I couldnt even figure out it was my phone, and when I finally came to and picked up, I hear the voice of my friend, who's also my roommate, in utter hysteria. This is how the conversation followed.

Me: Are u crazy! It might be late night where you are but its 7 bloody 30 here.. I'm SLEEPING!
S: I'm really sorry.. I didn't realise it'd be that early.. but listen, now that u are up, we reallyyyy need ur help here..
[apparently, a good 10 people were over...]
Me: okay, WHAT?
S: okay, so u know how u connect ur laptop to the tv and we watch movies..
Me: OMFG! Please DO NOT tell me u called me at THIS hour to ask me THAT!
S: Pleaseeeeeeee... we really wanna watch this movie.. and we've been trying for so longgg.. and we can't work it.. and ure our techie.. and we miss u.. and we love u.. [insert other buttering-up terms..]
Me: okayyy okayyyyyy.. how far off are u guys?
S: Well, we've connected the cable.. now what?
Me: *Groan*
So well, I explain the whole process to a technologically impaired person, while she asks a dozen questions.. I'm obviously agitated and half asleep.. but we end up successful in the end.
Me: I still can't believe u called me to ask me that!!
S: Thank u sooooooooo much.. I love u.. and I'm so sorry but I had no one else to ask..
oh and by the way, I knew exactly what the time difference was.. I knew it was 7:30am. Forgive me. Luv u again. Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Me: WHAT!? I soooo knew! argh.. BYE!

And later on, I find out, that the call wasn't even made through a calling card. It was a direct call.
Talk about craaaaaaaaaaaazy.

And at that.. another one just said something that I have to post.
Referring to her love for Juggy D and the likes..
"My life is SO DEPRIVED without the deserved NECESSITY of a punjabi boy to serenade me with his music AND dancing."

hahahaha.

I LOVE my girlfriends. =D

lonely

2006-05-19T06:11:00.000-04:00

Listening to: Akon - Lonely

You know you're lonely when you listen to sad songs, sigh and msn Encarta Instant Answers with the downs in your life, just for the sake of sharing your current state of mind with someone [something].

Amazing

2006-05-13T05:43:00.000-04:00

sometimes boy band songs touch the strings of your heart and totally reach your soul with the lyrics..

its "Amazing" by Westlife this time...

old, but nevertheless, when I heard it.. it seemed like I'd voiced my feelings, and right there and then someone had penned them..

*sigh*

we could be more than just amazing...

song courtesy: http://www.seekasong.com

2006-05-11T03:22:00.000-04:00

It has hence been proven.
I've lived in denial for long enough.
This establishes the fact..

...that I have NO will power.

ABSOLUTELY NONE.

2006-05-07T05:39:00.000-04:00

I hate the block contact option on msn. I hate being used by it. I hate using it on people. And I generally don't block people because if I don't like them, I tell them that to their face.

Now when I have to use it. I feel guilty.
If I didn't use it, I'd feel guiltier.
Meh.
this sux.

I also realised it's been 4 years since I've been out of school. I feel so old.
sigh.

On a merrier note, one of my friend's much younger sibling is very creative. This one quote, quoted by him is hilarious!

"Barney is a dinosaur from our imagination.. he stuck his thumb right up his bum & died from constipation."

have I ever mentioned I NEVER liked Barney?

finally home!

2006-04-30T06:12:00.000-04:00

I've been neglecting my blog. But I'm home and I'm ecstatic and jet-lagged. All I do is sleep and watch movies and tv. No academic stress whatsoever. It seems surreal. VERY surreal. It always takes time to sink in.
I've also started praying, which makes me feel so much more at peace. It's amazing how everything starts resolving itself.
There come problems and dilemmas and issues. There come moments when u start losing faith. But if u're strong-willed and hold on and pray like u've never wanted anything more than this one thing surrounding ur life, it eventually comes around.
It happened when I wanted to get into a university.
It happened when I had visa issues.
It happened when I wanted to pass my driving test.
It happened when I was unsure about passing an exam.
It happened when I wanted the desired grades.
It happened when I wanted certain memories/scars to be wiped out from my life.
It happened when I missed home and cried.

This time I want someone.
Please make a way out.
Please make it work.

I'm waiting... patiently.

2006-04-20T03:45:00.000-04:00

Now that I'm done exams and pretty much school for the next 4 months, one would think I would actually have time to waste on things like watching movies and blogging and senseless browsing the internet. Hah, I WISH!

As much as I wanna go back home, I hate this whole process of cleaning up a whole year's mess, packing, buying gifts, getting all my documents in place, bidding friends good-bye for a while, and making sure I'm not leaving anything important behind in general.

This is all do-able still.
What I just can't seem to cope up with is all the uncertainty surrounding my life. Career-wise - although I still have an academic year to go - I don't know where I'll be after that, which is a little disturbing. Relationship-wise - I just DON'T know what's going on. I just thought it was all about voicing and making the mutual "likeness" known. Whoever thought that would bring with itself so many questions, so many doubts and just so many other weird situations. As much as I want it, I don't know how it'll turn out. I see glimmers of hope and then dark clouds and then glimmers of hope again. Uncertainty again, don't know what to make out of this. I'm involuntarily losing appetite and sleep and I know think it's doing me any good physically. People tell me I've lost weight, but honestly, the way it's been lost isn't long lasting anyways so I try not to be too happy about it.

I seek solace in music. Sad songs. Happy songs. Dance songs. Depression-type songs.
It is absolutely amazing how much every sad song relates to ur situation when u're upset.

Oh please, let this phase pass soon.

2006-04-08T18:37:00.000-04:00

Confused, uncertain, locked-in emotions, frustrated, afraid, guilty, stubborn, sarcastic, arrogant, bollywood freak, badtameez, mood-swings, impatient.

All of the above describes me.

Please bear with me, help me, stay by me.. and I'll try to be a better person.

Just for you.

tu bin bataye

2006-04-04T18:03:00.000-04:00

This just HAS to be one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard..
It mesmerizes me every time I listen to it.. and it's been on repeat for a while now..
I'm all goosebumpy..

[The quality probably sucks.. sorry about that...]

*edit*:

Movie: Rang De Basanti

Composer: A R Rehman

Singers: Madhushree & Naresh Iyer

Lyrics: Prasoon Joshi

2006-04-02T15:10:00.000-04:00

So I have finals in 4 days, but I'm quite obviously preoccupied with other occurrences.
Study pressure is screwing me over. Mind games are too time and energy consuming. Uncertainty is killing me.

All I'm doing is listening to tons and tons of bhangra and other old-school songs, occasionally dancing on cheap gaanay such as "chunari chunari", getting random pictures taken with my girlfriends, not eating enough [which is working wonders for my diet], and getting entertainment from The OC, Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy as well as a million other comedies.

With the exam doom starting on the 7th, the finance textbook awaits in a lonely corner of the room, waiting to be opened, waiting for the words and numbers it holds to be ingrained in someone's brain.
Not knowing however, that the certain someone has priorities, with finance definitely not being at priority number 1.

P.S. Rang De Basanti is amazing, and that is an understatement.

P.P.S. I FUCKIN HATE DAYLIGHT SAVINGS!

2006-03-30T04:11:00.000-05:00

He says, "We both know something's going on.. something we are clearly being oblivious to.. you and I both.."

Oblivious it is.

I'm not gonna make a move.

Just say it dammit!

2006-03-28T22:55:00.000-05:00

is it just me or is himesh reshammiya music REALLY addictive!?

terey bina meri subah nahee chalti..
sohniyee.. sohniyee..

2006-03-23T20:14:00.000-05:00

wow - NOW I know what the words "busy" and "overworked" mean..

dictionary definitions do NO justice to words like these..

it's all about practical experiences babayy..

2006-03-17T15:39:00.000-05:00

No matter how much someone might claim to care for u, the truth is.. they're lying. It's a big fat wordly lie. They might not say it, but it shows.. every once in a while.. in their conversations, in their actions.

You know what, I don't care. Not for u, not for anyone else. It hurts now, but atleast I dont lie and hurt u with slips of tongue and actions that blow disinterest in my face. Atleast I don't lie to u to save someone else. I'm sick of this, I might come across as being stupid, but I'm actually not. I'm observant and I watch everything closely. I don't say it, but that doesn't mean I dont have an opinion.

I just choose to be quiet.

It's my life and I dont bloody need any sympathy. Liar.

tag

2006-03-14T21:35:00.000-05:00

Since I need to update my blog, yet nothing noteworthy has happened, I will utilize the perfectly timed tag by enyur..

So, the 8 qualities I look for in a perfect partner..

1. He must own a huge mansion.

2. He must have lots of money.

3. He must own a Mercedes. [the BMW is MY goal.]

4. He must love me more than his money. [i.e. heed to all my financially demanding requests.]

5. He should be tall, dark and handsome. [I quite adore goaties as well..]

6. He should have a kick ass sense of humour, yet be serious and responsible as situations change.

7. He needs to be good in... ahem.

8. oh, and did I mention he needs to be rich?

he he he..

memories

2006-03-08T20:28:00.000-05:00

The memories are all washing away - like the raindrops on a window pane.

2006-03-01T01:20:00.000-05:00

A: why dont u ever sms me?
me: becauseeee, my last month's phone bill was $194, I HAVE to stop using my phone excessively..
A: WHAT? kis se baatein karti rehti ho?
me: matlab, if u can jolt ur phone memory a little bit, I sent u a gazillion messages..not as if that amounted to $194 but still it was a major contribution.. wesay bhi international texting is bloody expensive if done in bulks! :S
A: hahahaha, sucker, its only 5 rupees for us..
me: to tum kara karo na text.. mein kyoon karoon..
A: haan chalo mein hi kar loonga..

a few days later..

A: msges ka reply to ker diya karo manhoos..
me: konsey msges.. I just got one at like 4 in the morning asking me what I was doing! argh!
A: haan haan jo bhee..
me: waqayee nahee miley..
A: So.. u can be considerate enough urself and message me sometime..
me: you know my phone bill story.. dont make me repeat it.. I'm usually not a cheapskate..
A: nahee, mein to wesay hi keh raha hoon.. kiya karo message.. so that I can pretend I never received them and not reply back at that..

arghhh! I quite like u.. but really now.. I'm THIS close to being bankrupt.. I dont have a job and I still have to last two months before I can go home and TOTALLY get pampered by my parents..
*sigh*

P.S. I know eh, maybe he just misses me.. lol..

2006-02-27T01:25:00.000-05:00

There's people in your life that u know inside out. And then there's people in ur life that u've sorta 'seen around' but don't necessarily know much about them.
And it's amazing how u might go on for 20 years of ur life just knowing of their existence and they knowing of urs, but u never really make an effort to be more than acquaintances.
And then when fate finally throws u in the same scenario and u do get to know each other, u just cant get enough of talking to them about the randomest things from concerts to movies to what they showed last on the National Geographic about the duck-billed platypus.
You get so addicted to each other that u both contemplate blocking the other on the count of 3 but never really go on with the plan.
You share the same taste in food starting from peach yogurt to grape ice cream to chocolate mousse at this one particular place to even the same flavor of jolly ranchers.

And it all turns freaky when we end up saying the same things at the same time; and it turns super freaky when we find out we've been reading the same book at the same time when both of us have absolutely NO WAY of knowing of the other's intention to read the book.

The everyday afternoon talks are super addictive. It's wrong to be so dependent.. yet, it all feels so right.

meh

2006-02-23T16:59:00.000-05:00

I can't believe it's Thursday already. I haven't done jack shit as far as studying is concerned and reading week is almost over. What the hell, we need to have two reading weeks. Don't they realize suicide rates are at an all time high? *sigh*

but anyways, I'm glad atleast aik week off to milta hai. Sleep when u want, wake up when u want.

I finally managed to complete Mystery Case Files, super addictive game of the year. Experimented with cooking and successfully made besani roti. Been cleaning around the house more than I would like. Made a spontaneous trip to Eaton Centre and senselessly spent money. Fell in love with Zara's clothes all over again. Had the wickedest pad thai at Spring Rolls and strolled on Younge St. with charsi friends and yummy menthol smokes.

I so don't wanna go back to school. That's when all hell breaks lose.

Forgive me for the monotony. But I just wanna go home. Regardless of all the occasional fun times I have here.

I just wanna go to my parents, my annoying sisters, my room, my bed, my pillow, my comforter, my HOME.

This post is super senseless.

I also want a trendy Guess bag.

2006-02-15T23:32:00.000-05:00

I don't feel like blogging, or orkutting or chatting or even watching tv. I'm perpetually tired and all I want to do is sleep. Be it at home in the comfy bed, or the uncomfortable seats on the bus, or the couch in the tv lounge. I don't even know how I make it through classes without a minute or two of shut-eye, and how I manage to be attentive and participate in class [which is absolutely essential, since my classes have a significant amount of participation marks]. But the moment I'm out of there, its like my mind becomes one-track and focuses ONLY on slumber.
I just hope this is a phase because quite OBVIOUSLY, its not contributing to my academics very positively.

I am also becoming too whiny. This needs to stop.

I need to go home now.

2006-02-13T02:44:00.000-05:00

I'm just SOOO pissed off and annoyed at the moment.

Stay clear everyone.. SUPER BITCH alert!

2006-02-11T21:53:00.000-05:00

I'm not enjoying the ODIs at all.

Inferior batting, inferior bowling, inferior fielding.

India deserved to win the one it did.

yawn

2006-02-09T01:35:00.000-05:00

These days, I'm in the state of being always tired and wanting to sleep. Makes me wanna turn back time to when I was 8 and my mom had a strict rule of me being in bed by 9.

I wish she would impose that rule on me now... so that I wouldn't feel guilty about leaving work to be done today for tomorrow.. *sigh*

utter destruction!

2006-02-01T13:32:00.000-05:00

Wow - what a match! what a match! Mohammad Asif is a true find and a definite keeper. I havent seen such in-line bowling by a Pakistani bowler in such a long time!

Thats about ALL I gotta say.. the pictures say the rest.

Sehwag gone. The middle stump flies. The ball doesnt even touch the leg stump or the off stump. What line!

Mohammad Asif sends VVS Laxman's middle stump for a walk...

Aaaand.. Tendulkar bites the dust. The off-stump this time, goes for a spin in the air.

Pictures courtesy: Cricinfo

2006-01-29T20:25:00.000-05:00

Finally, a test match, where reaching a result will be inevitable.
Rest assured, every one of those people, who actually paid money to watch a Pak vs India test match being held after 16 long years at the National Stadium, truly got their money's worth.

I must admit, however, the first over had me swearing left, right and centre. The whole picture, however, was an acceptable one. Kudos to Kamran Akmal!

And I hate each one of u who went to the Bryan Adams concert. I really don't need to know how much it rocked or how much u enjoyed it. Really, now!

argh

2006-01-26T02:26:00.000-05:00

So I was trying to burn a movie on a DVD, and after spending enough time on looking for an easy to use software/addon/plugin, toiling around with it to figure out how it works; my darned computer crashed on me while the burning process was half way through. A total waste of time, effort and a dvd.

Not to mention, that the precious time wasted could've been utilized to its best by cramming Corporate Finance and the assignment that follows it.

The fact that I feel extremely frustrated right now goes without saying. Thank you A, for sending me this beautifully serene song. I really need it at the moment to stop hyperventilating.

Listening to: Deepak Chopra feat. Demi Moore - Desire

If anyone needs to soothe their brain cells and can't find the song, then just ask. =)